According to research from the American Psychological Association, between 40 and 50 percent of married couples in the U.S. get divorced. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher than that.
With divorce being so common today, there are a huge number of online resources that can help people experiencing the big breakup.
Divorce is a difficult legal process with procedures varying all around the world and so finding the correct information is paramount to getting through the process. Even aside from the legal difficulties of the actual break-up, many divorcees struggle with life after marriage and need help re-adjusting to single life.
The sheer number of tools online to cope with these things can be overwhelming, so this list of resources will help people going through a divorce regardless of their exact situation.
Thinking about divorce
Once the honeymoon period is over, after a child is born, or for no obvious reason, couples can find themselves in an increasingly loveless marriage.
One of the first steps when divorce is potentially on the table is to consider couples’ counseling. There are online counseling tools available, as well as ways to find a couples counselor by location.
Couple Communication - This company aims to help couples communicate with each other better and potentially avoid divorce. They have instructors all over the US and their directory lists them by state. They look to create and maintain strong communications lines between couples and teach them how to convey accurately what they want to say to their partner.
Pairs Foundation - This organization helps couples understand themselves first. They run in- person courses but they have an online course available to begin right away. On their site, they have a host of quizzes and videos to help couples and individuals. They believe that to help each person in a couple, they need to be able to understand what they’re feeling before trying to explain it to their significant other.
Divorcenet - If divorce is the only option, then it’s important that both parties have their house in order. Divorcenet has a list of things you should do immediately, including what you should prioritize like household inventory and making a realistic appraisal of your earning potential. These are aspects of divorce that if overlooked will be to your detriment when it comes to the nuts and bolts of your future finances.
Going through the divorce
Once a couple has decided that divorce is the best way forward, there’s a huge amount of work and expense involved. Unless the couple are familiar with divorce law, it can be a good idea to seek the help of a divorce advisor or mediator.
Your Divorce Advisor - There are a huge number of Divorce advisors available online and locally. Before lawyering up and getting yourself locked into a contractual agreement, this resource outlines a solid roadmap on what steps to take throughout the divorce. This is a great first step in understanding the processes that will help avoid lengthy and expensive discussions with a lawyer.
Legal Jargon - Given how complicated divorce settlements can be, the legal terminology can be confusing. From Ab Initio to Voir Dire, legal language often includes latin and french terms, and it’s imperative that people going through a divorce understand them.
Amicable Divorce App - This app aims to make the divorce process as painless as possible. It reduces the amount of time spent with a lawyer by creating a checklist of all documents needed from both parties. Couples can also share documents and information all in one place.
Recently divorced and moving on
After the legal process of divorce ends, both parties can have a rough time adjusting to their newly single lives. Many people struggle to find an identity for themselves after a break up, but there are tools to help with this.
Since my divorce - This Blog focuses on adjusting to life after a divorce. They cover a large range of topics, all tailored to those who have recently divorced. There is the option of signing up for their weekly newsletter which delivers their newest blog post to your inbox every week.
Moving Past Divorce - This unique mother- daughter team have the interesting perspective of being able to discuss divorce from both the parent’s and child’s side. Their blog is kept updated weekly with posts that focus mainly on the effect of divorce on children. They also have a book called “Daughters of Divorce” which explores the effects of divorce on children as they experienced it and the first chapter of the book is available to read for free on their site.
Match.com - Getting back into the dating scene might sound scary, but online dating has come a long way. It’s now a common place to meet someone new and the social stigma is all but gone. There are dating sites just for divorced people, but Match.com is the largest with over 7 million users.
Since divorce law varies all over the world and even within each state the divorce law can be different in relation to division of assets and taxation. It pays to be aware of the locals laws governing marriage and divorce.
Divorce Abroad - The U.S. Department of State has information pertaining to divorce on an international basis. The process to have a foreign divorce recognized and in the U.S. is outlined here on their site. This includes US citizens who obtain a divorce while in a foreign country and also a US citizen divorcing a non-US citizen.
Foreign Service employees - This resource is for employees of the U.S. Government abroad seeking divorce. Information varies on whether both parties are outside the U.S. or if one is abroad and one is in the U.S.
Total Divorce - With divorce laws varying state by state in the U.S., Total Divorce allows users to search by state. Their divorce lawyer directory is a useful asset as users can get the contact information of a local lawyer. As well as this contact list, the site also breaks down the divorce laws by state.
Many online resources cater to U.S. divorce, but the process and costs are vastly different in the UK than in the U.S. These resources are particular to the UK and can make the whole operation a lot smoother.
How much does a divorce cost - Fixed fee consultations so couples can plan out their finances. More complicated, contested divorces can be charged more than simple amicable ones, so this service may be more useful if the couple sees difficulties in splitting assets or custody.
Divorce Procedure Guide - This resource guide from Mills and Reeve includes a simple infographic flowchart that walks through the divorce process in the UK. It also includes the prices for requesting forms and consulting fees which can be useful when trying to budget.
National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children - The NSPCC has a great section on their site about how to protect children during a divorce. They are obviously focused on the welfare of the child and they have links to trusted UK based councillors and mediators.
Divorce for women and mothers
Divorce is experienced differently by men and women and the online tools reflect that. The three main areas of difficulty are finances, child custody and recovery after the divorce.
Women’s Divorce - This site aims to walk women through the whole process step by step. It has guides on filing for divorce, how to react when your spouse seeks divorce, and what to expect during the whole legal process.
SAS for Women - SAS (Support and Solutions for Women) offers a huge range of resources for women looking to move on after their divorce. Many questions that women have are addressed here with in-depth articles. They have an especially helpful 46 step guide to give women a clear path to feeling in control after a divorce.
Divorced Girl Smiling - This blog is an incredible resource for women going through and recovering from a divorce. It was initially a personal blog written by Jackie Pilossoph about her divorce, but since then it has grown. Jackie now has a team of experienced writers covering topics from the first thoughts of separation to re-entering the dating pool.
Divorced Moms - This is the leading site for resources for Moms. They have an abundance of articles aimed at every particular issue that can come up for divorced mothers. They cover topics such as introducing a new relationship to a child, having a healthy relationship with an ex, and how to make the decision to get a divorce.
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Divorce for men and dads
The intricate ins-and-outs of divorce are incredibly difficult to understand, and learning what to expect for men is crucial. The main two things men tend to worry about in a divorce are: 1. finances and 2. child custody. These tools can help guide men on how to deal with these issues.
The Good Men Project - Not solely focused on divorce, but they have a whole section dedicated to divorce. Their articles are insightful and cover topics from how to get over the divorce, to how to deal with an ex-wife meeting a new partner, and how to maintain a relationship with kids.
Dadsdivorce.com - Covering topics from financial planning to how to deal with Father’s Day, this site is a phenomenal resource for men. A lot of their articles deal with how to keep a strong relationship with your kids, and how to rebuild bridges and trust with older kids.
Expert Beacon - This site has multiple articles about divorce and how to protect your assets and children. It has suggestions on how to deal with a spouse who may try as much legal trickery as possible to gain the upper hand in the divorce settlement.
Divorce and children
Often the most difficult part of any divorce. Even in the most amicable of breakups, this can be a contentious issue. Bringing up the issue of divorce with kids can be tough too. Finding the right way to tell children that their parents are going to get divorced can be crucial to maintaining a positive relationship between kids and both parents.
The Talk - A 60-minute video course created by Lisa Gabardi, PHD, teaches you how to explain to kids about their parents divorce. It costs a reasonable $37 and will provide information on how to make sure kids understand what is happening and why. Gabardi also has a book on co-parenting after a divorce to help both parents try to minimize the effect of the divorce on their children.
Our Family Wizard - In this app parents can manage their child’s calendars, expenses, and family details like medical bills or issues. It also allows the addition of third parties, so grandparents and new partners can be added also. Parents can also choose to let children have access to the account to see their calendar and message family members, but conversations between other family members are not available to them.
Broken Circle Project - This project aims to give a voice to the children of a divorce. They interview adults whose parents divorced when they were younger to find out how it affected them. They give insights into what they wish their parents had done differently and their relationships with their parents now. It’s an interesting resource and one that may shape how parents going through a divorce act.
Divorce and victims of abuse
Some marriages simply slowly lose their zeal, but unfortunately many marriages have an element of abuse in them. Both physical and emotional abuse are grounds for divorce, but can be difficult for the person being abused to firstly recognize it, and then to take action. These resources aim to help people in abusive marriages.
National Domestic Abuse Hotline - The NDVH website is a great resource for people who need to talk to someone or find out information. They have a 24/7 phone line and online chat with help available in over 200 languages. They can guide victims of abuse to safety and through the difficult process of divorcing an abusive spouse.
Divorcenet - Divorcenet is a site that allows people to find an attorney, but they also have an information bank on getting a divorce while in an abusive marriage. They have explanations on how to protect yourself and your children, getting a temporary restraining order and preparing for a court hearing.
Divorce Support - This site is where you will find a huge list of questions about spousal abuse, the legal framework for divorce, and more general questions about abuse. It is a useful resource help people in an abusive relationship to see what they can do to get out of the situation.
Financial resources about divorce
One of the biggest difficulties of a divorce is finances. Divorces are expensive processes and the division of assets can be a huge sticking point for couples. There is also the issue of separate tax filing for both parties after the divorce, which can be confusing and difficult to navigate, especially if one partner generally took care of the tax return each year.
Divorce and your Money - Shawn Leamon is a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and MBA. His site has a huge amount of free information to get you started with getting your finances in order. His podcast is especially useful, each episode has a focused theme, and with almost 200 episodes already, he has covered a lot of areas of divorce financials.
Community Tax - Taxes can be especially confusing after a divorce, there may be income from the sale of a house, income tax from alimony and changes in rates for single people rather than a couple rate. Using the service provided by Community Tax can help avoid any complications and make sure that both parties are tax compliant in their new life.
Legal Zoom - Legal Zoom are a large online based legal firm and they have a reasonably priced guided divorce solution. At $950 per couple excluding legal fees, couples will have access to all the information they need for a divorce and can call advisors on the phone. This is a useful option for those who are seeking a divorce without a large disposable income.
Podcasts about divorce
With so many reading resources available, it can be beneficial to use a different way of getting your information. Podcasts tend to be very niche, which means that there are podcasts that deal with all facets of divorce.
Over Divorce - this podcast series focuses on men going through divorce. The hosts Tom and Adrian both went through their own divorces and this podcast is their reaction to that. They discuss their own experiences, but also have guests on from fields such as psychology, finance and law to make sure they are giving expert advice.
Divorce Conversations for Women - This podcast from the Women’s Financial Wellness Centre is a great starting point for women going through a divorce. Whatever the financial situation this is a great starting point for women. On their site they offer a free 30 minute consultation as well as running events all over the US.
Women of a certain age - This podcast describes themselves as “two single, divorced women laughing their way through dating and relationships”. With divorce being a testing time for everyone, these two women have found a way to laugh about it. It’s a nice break from the stressful reality of divorce, but with over 200 episodes and counting, they deal with some difficult issues.